Confessions of a Working Mom and a Stay At Home Dad
Friday, September 17, 2010
In the last post I introduced you to sweet baby Styles. The love of my life. Now lets get down to why I am here. The nitty-gritty. In case you haven't read my profile, or the subtitle of this blog for that matter, my family dynamic is a little different. I am a working mom and my husband is a SAHD. He is incredibly good at it and I feel so blessed that while I am at work my sweet baby is in the best of hands. The only problem is, these hands aren't mine. It has been almost 2 months since the day arrived. The day that I had dreaded. The day that I had to spend away from my precious little boy knowing that this was going to be the first of many. It took everything I had to keep telling myself that it was all going to be okay. I had a plan. Of course I had a plan. Don't I always? I am a very dedicated nursing mom, and no matter how hard everyone told me it was going to be, I was going to continue nursing. I had scheduled out my day to go something like this: Wake up, pump. This will the baby's morning bottle. When the baby wakes up, nurse him. About 2 hours after arriving at work, pump. At lunch, drive home, nurse the baby, drop off the milk so he can have it for his afternoon bottle, drive back. About 2 hours later, pump again. After work, drive home, store the milk and nurse again. But at least now I am home for the rest of the night to play, feed, bathe, cuddle, and put to bed my precious little guy. And somewhere in between all of this I have to remember that I have a VERY demanding job to do and need to do it well. Plus there is the other love of my life... my husband. I want to spend quality time with him. He has been with the baby all day and of course I want to hear EVERYTHING down to the last detail. Sound exhausting? Well.... it is. And this is the way my workdays have been. I know there are other moms out there whose days are similar to mine. I think for the first few weeks knowing that I was doing everything I could to continue nursing was what was getting me through. I felt like this was all I had left to contribute to my son. My milk. Since I couldn't physically be there for him because I was working, the only thing I could do to keep the connection was to make sure that I could continue nursing. And I know this sounds selfish. But this is how I felt. My husband got to be with him all day and I felt like I was missing everything. This has gotten a little bit easier. But I still feel like I am missing out. I no longer feel that all I have to contribute to "Raising Styles" is my milk. I am his momma. And he loves me and he needs me. I know that I am SO lucky to have such an AMAZING husband and that baby Styles is in the best of hands.... even if they aren't always mine.